| New
Year Resolutions for the Single Parent
by Shelley Taylor Since
the next newsletter won't reach you before New Years, I thought this article would
be worth reading now -- in advance. Lose the Guilts -
Feel
guilty because your children's dad/mom isn't involved? Feel guilty because your
kids aren't being raised in a "traditional" family". The list of
reasons to feel guilty can be endless. Parenting is often synonymous with guilt.
Guilt, however, is a waste of your valuable time. It drains your energy and makes
you focus on things you usually can't control anyway. No, we don't have
"Leave it To Beaver" families. But not many people do these days. (Besides,
who wants to do housework in pearls and heels like June did?) 1997 statistics
show that 37% of children don't live in two parent families. Some of us are divorced,
some us were never married, and some of us are single parents who have adopted.
Whatever the reasons or circumstances, right now this is the life we have. Embrace
it and make the most of it. Life is to short to feel guilty about things we can't
control. Lose the Worrying-
See guilt above. Allocate a half-hour
a day for a worry session if you must - then move on to productive things. Be
more patient with the kids-
Too little money, too much to do, not enough
time. Stresses are all around, especially when you are going it alone. However,
don't take it out on the kids. They are easy targets because the balance of power
favors you. If you are getting stressed lock yourself in the bathroom until you
get it together. Count to ten before you react. Do whatever works to show your
kids they aren't the targets of your frustration. If you feel you're starting
to lose it contact Parent Anonymous, www.parentsanonymous-natl.org Or call the
National Organization at (909) 621-6184 for a chapter near you. They have groups
for parents while the children participate in kid's groups. Go On a Date-
Just
try it and see what it's like to talk to an adult all evening. It might not turn
into the romance of the century. But, you get to practice your conversational
skills, see a first run movie that's not animated and eat at a restaurant that
doesn't give you a cup of crayons and placement to color. Do One Nice
Thing A Week Just For Yourself-
The kids, work, the house, etc., etc.,
etc. With all the responsibilities your needs often come last or not at all. It's
vital that you treat yourself well. Do something for yourself at least once a
week. Buy yourself the book you wanted, go see a movie without the kids, take
a bubble bath after the kids are in bed. Just remember not to neglect yourself. Laugh
More-
Having a sense of humor defiantly makes all the stress more manageable
and puts things in perspective. I have a friend who will only watch comedies on
television and at the movies. Her philosophy is that real life is dramatic enough
why watch it on TV? Keeping a sense of humor is easier on your psyche and role
models good coping skills to your children. Let The Little Stuff Go-
There
is a book entitled Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. And it's all Small Stuff. Are
the kids clean? Well fed? Loved? Getting an Education? Then you're doing your
job. If the house is messy, the leaves not raked, who cares? Keep Yourself
Informed-
Information is empowerment. Keep yourself informed about current
parenting/childcare/child support legislation. Write your congressman/woman if
legislation comes up you feel strongly about. Learn basic home repair through
community colleges and university extension services so you are not so dependent
on expensive repairman. Continue to upgrade your professional skills. Get
Help If You Need It-
Life can often get overwhelming. Seeking help doesn't
make you weak or needy -it makes you smart. Don't let lack of money prevent you
from seeking help if you feel you or your children need some type of assistance.
There are many free and low-cost counseling programs in most cities. Look in the
blue pages of your phone book for organizations. Call social service agencies
for information and referrals. They should be able to guide you in your search.
There are also programs out there to help you pay your heat and water bills.
Each state has free or low cost health insurance for your kids, food stamps, free
immunizations and other programs. Don't assume, also, that you are over income
for these programs. For instance, the Women's, Infants and Children's Program
has a fairly high-income standard. Single Parent Central's Government Page has
income guidelines for some government programs. It's a good starting point. Congratulate
Yourself Often-
Look what you're handling. You are raising children, running
a household, working outside the house and handling a thousand other things. You
are CEO, coach, driver, cook, educator and provider. You are holding it all together.
Many of you are doing this without any child support or help from an ex-partner.
No, we are not perfect but who is? Single parenting is not for the meek or mild.
You have a lot to be proud of. Copyright
Shelley Taylor 2000
Well
folks, that's it for another month. As usual, if you have any suggestions or contributions
let me know! We're always up to suggestions and recipes sent in also have
the chance to be included on the website. Jill Lassaline, editor
Single
Parents World | 
Season's
Greetings to all of our readers. As the Holiday Season approaches (much more rapidly
than we'd like!) I hope you find yourselves safe, happy, warm, and surrounded
by those you love.
This
year due to my own financial struggles I was not able to adopt a family in the
name of ParentsWorld.com as I used to. I'm proud to say some of our regulars decided
to take up the cause for us this year. 