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when you think you've got your kid figured out a little bit, your pre-teen goes
and changes yet again. Whether it's your daughter who suddenly hates the butterflies
she was crazy about a month ago, or a son who suddenly loves green beans, keeping
up as your child grows can prove pretty demanding.
The approach of the
teen years can at least be anticipated, and as rocky as these years can be, you
have a little bit of an advantage in that you can know that plenty more changes
are in store, even if there's no way of knowing exactly how those changes will
manifest themselves. You can be sure that you'll have a recurrent tug-of-war
over who is really in charge of this person who once so readily cuddled up on
your lap for story hour. You'll see your child revert to wanting stuffed animals
even as, in the same breath, she insists she's not a kid anymore and should be
allowed to stay out until 10 at night. Of course, the room your child inhabits
will become the physical manifestation of all this change, and you can go some
way toward smoothing the road to adulthood with some foresight and planning as
age 11 clicks over to 12 and 12 over to 13. This is a time in which your
kid will be looking for ways to assert his increasing maturity, and to separate
from you a little bit more. The more you can allow her to have some say in room
decoration, the more she'll feel you're granting her that responsibility, and
the less she'll have to act out her separation from you.
If your teen or pre-teen is starting to make noises about getting a room
make-over, you can begin by setting aside a weekend afternoon for a giant throw-away
party. Go through everything, from clothes to toys to books to jewelry, and get
rid of everything too "babyish" or simply too small. This will make
for much more room, for one thing, so you may discover that you don't really need
to buy a new set of dresser drawers, now that they're not stuffed with old t-shirts
in size 6. Plus, you can make a few dollars to put toward financing the
room make-over by taking much of the stuff to a consignment shop, or by having
a yard sale. Of course, you can keep your kids' special items, either on
a shelf dedicated to memoribilia or in a box that goes in the attic. This will
allow your child to feel that he's able to maintain his connection to the past
even as he plunges headlong into the uncertain furture of adolescence. Once
you've cleared out the old, it's time to bring in the new. Probably the most immediate
need as your child grows will be for a new bed; all too often parents skimp on
the quality of a kid's mattress, and this might be a good time to replace Old
Saggy with something that will give your child more support for those growing
bones. If you invest in a high-quality, adult size mattress now, you'll be able
to use it later as a guest bed, once Junior is safely away at college or living
in his own apartment. You don't need a queen bed; they still make good old double
or full-sized mattress and box-springs, which take up less room but can still
comfortably sleep a couple - when you use it as a guest bed years from now, not
for Junior and his girlfriend. While you're at it, a new headboard and
footboard can give a more grown-up feeling to the room. Something in wrought iron
or brass can feel feminine and sweet, and something more plain and dark can give
a more masculine tone to the room. Either one feels more grown-up. Bear
in mind that the function of your child's room may be changing now, too. If your
kid is involved with sports, you may need to provide more room for hockey sticks
or other gear. A serious student, or a student in whom you want to encourage serious
studying, could benefit from a well-organized desk area in the bedroom, where
she'll be able to concentrate better than in the living room with the t.v. on
and the adults' conversations swirling around. Your child might also now want
more privacy for long chats with her girlfriends, or she might want more room
for sleepover parties. Helping you pre-teen develop a sense of independence
is important for both of you, and the more your child sees that you really do
want her to grow up, the more likely she'll be to trust you during the next years.
And having that trust sure beats installing a spy camera in the corner of the
kid's room to monitor every move. –Sarah Van Arsdale
Reprinted with permission from the Sheffield School of Design
Web site at http://www.sheffield.edu
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