Another year has begun. For many people we are happy to see this past year and it's unbelievable events behind us. I think everyone joins me in a wish for peace to all in this New Year.

Christmas is now a memory. Thank you to all who helped out with our Christmas Angel Family for a third year. Your contributions, big or small, helped another family enjoy Christmas this year.

Since we just finished another gift giving season, we'll be taking the opportunity to gear the recipes this month towards the greatest single parent gift of all -- the crock pot! For everyone who received one and are not too sure what to do with it, here's two examples. For those who don't have a crock pot you can use these recipes in the oven at 350 degrees for 1.5 to 2 hours.

This past month's online poll got the largest response ever. Be certain to read the results and see our new poll in the "Ramblings" section at the end of the Newsletter.

As usual, I'd like to take this moment to welcome all of our new subscribers and bid a 'welcome back' to our returning ones.

• January's Crock Pot Recipes
  • Chicken with 40 cloves of garlic
  • Beef Stew
    
• The Single Symphony
  
• Ramblings
  • Looking back

Chicken with 40 Cloves Garlic

• Place 1 sprig thyme, rosemary, sage and parsley in chicken cavity.
• Place celery in stoneware.
• Put chicken on top of celery.
• Add garlic around chicken.
• Chop remaining herbs; sprinkle herbs, salt and pepper over chicken.
• Cover; cook on Low 8 - 10 hours (High 4 - 6 hours).
• To serve, place chicken, garlic and celery on serving platter.
• Squeeze roasted garlic out of skins onto toasted French bread slices and spread with knife.

• Put meat in stoneware.
• Put flour, salt and pepper over meat and stir to coat.
• Add remaining ingredients and stir to mix well.
• Cover; cook on Low 10 to 12 hours (High 5 to 6 hours).
• Stir thoroughly before serving.

“We arrange the notes, we choose the instruments, we conduct the symphony, that is our life” Anon

Health Canada recently funded a study on the stresses of single parenting. This study indicated that single mothers cope as well with the stresses of life, as do the married moms, even though they generally face greater emotional and financial turmoil. Single moms scored very well in their coping skills, yet they tended to be more stressed, faced more financial difficulties and a greater workload because they were the main caregivers. Mental and physical exhaustion was the common complaint, yet the children in these homes were found to be as emotionally stable as the children in two parent homes. Previous studies indicate as well, that there are a growing number of households managed by a single parent; that about 4 or 5 children in every classroom has only one parent living in the home.

While most of the world thinks that the word ‘parent’ means two persons, the word ‘single-parent’ cannot even be found in a dictionary. The journey of single-handed parenting presents many new and challenging experiences, most of which have few resources available to offer assistance. Single parenting in a world of married couples is a rough challenge at the best of times.

The single mom, on learning of her pregnancy, may experience many of the same emotions as the married mother-to-be. Her joy and love may be coupled with disbelief and even fear. She may or may not be emotionally prepared and may not fully realize all the financial implications she will have to face. The sense of something miraculous is powerful and may over-shadow any negative concerns.

The death of a child can be especially frightening to a single parent. The parent will feel the pain of not having a partner to reach to for support. When a crisis situation such as the death of an infant occurs, friends of the single parent often feel a great sense of responsibility toward her. In spite of that, family and friends who may have rallied together to support the joy of the birth may drift away, not knowing what support to provide or not even knowing what to say. A partner would normally bridge the gap of isolation; since we tend to look to our partners to companion us in our grief and to share in our yearning for stability and hope.

Depending on her age and maturity level, the grieving mother may feel that others have accusatory thoughts and she may assume that “if things had been different” this would not have happened. If there is a history of abuses, lack of education, medical care, finances or any number of other factors, even society as a whole may stigmatize the bereaved parent.

Providing non-judgmental support and information to the bereaved single parent is essential. Single parents feel very much alone at the best of times. When a baby dies, the feeling of isolation may be overwhelming. Single parents must look to other supportive resources for comfort and guidance. If there are other children in the home, the obligation to parent them will be interrupted and this will interfere with the grief work that must be done over the death of this baby. Single mothers, the Health Canada survey showed, had a great ability to protect their children against the stresses and strains of daily life and there is every reason to believe that the protection mechanisms also include the emotions of grief.

Total decision-making is a difficult responsibility to bear when one is alone and vulnerable. Making funeral arrangements for the baby is a huge and daunting task and may affect the financial picture as well. The other duties of life and responsibility must carry on as well; employment obligations may be seen as a diversion or a necessity. Single parents may become child-like themselves, in their grief, allowing the grandparents to take control and make important decisions for them. Replacing stigmas with understanding and non-judgmental supports are necessary even if the moral values and religious beliefs differ among family members.

Caregivers to the single parent, who work in the medical, social, spiritual, funeral or other related sectors will need to be keenly aware of their previous prejudices and set these aside. Supporting a bereaved single parent may be challenging. Open your heart and your mind and learn from this unique type of pain. If someone is without a partner, it doesn’t mean he/she parents without love. Try not to make assumptions. Fine-tune your caregiving skills to include empathy, compassion and understanding of the isolation of the single bereaved parent.

Studies that analyze the uniquenesses of alternative lifestyles and the needs of changing families help to teach everyone that some people struggle with and live with difficulties beyond the comprehension of others in the norm.

Encourage the bereaved single parent to “sing the unique song of his/her family”; and please, really listen to the words!

Patricia Simone Bereavement Support Services, Cardinal Funeral Homes, Toronto, Ont ©Copyright 2000

Well, another year gone. As I said before, it's a year that many of us will be glad to have behind us. 2001 will be known forever as the year the world changed, the year everything we held sacred changed.

Looking back on the events of the past few months I'd like to focus in on the good that came out of a tragedy. Nations, cities, communities and neighbours banded together to help their fellow people. They let the world know that we might be battered but not beaten.

Although as a Canadian I must say I don't think our government offered help and prayers to the United States quickly enough but I know our people did. All of the planes to the U.S. that were in the air September 11th were re-routed to Canada. Canadians opened up their hearts and homes to travellers while they were stranded up to a week in an unplanned foreign land. Rally's were held across the country and money was raised for aid. I'm proud of my fellow Canadians.

As a world nation we started to realize that the petty things didn't matter. That our families were the most important things to us and could be gone in an instant. These events were a wake up call that made us realize what we cherish most. I'm hoping also that it made people realize that even though we have many differences, we are very much alike.

For our entire Parents World Family I wish you all safety, happiness, and peace in the New Year.

My New Years Resolution this year is one that I don't plan on breaking. In the past I've vowed to eat better, be more active, or quit smoking. Those barely lasted until the sun went down on January first. This year, my resolution is to do my part to make this world a bit better. Be nicer to people on the street, help out where I can, and spread that kindness to my children so they can live in a better world.

This months poll (at the bottom of the page) will be about Resolutions. How long does it take for you to break yours each year?

For those who took part, last months poll ended up as follows:

Well folks, that's it for another month. As usual, if you have any suggestions or contributions let me know! We're always up to suggestions and recipes sent in also have the chance to be included on the website.

Jill Lassaline, editor
Single Parents World