|  By Elizabeth Pantley,
Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation
Question:
I’m trying to decide if my children are ready to be home alone for short periods
of time. I’m thinking specifically of the time after school until I arrive home
from work, or in evening when I attend a meeting or go out to dinner. How can
I tell when it’s okay to get by without a baby-sitter? Think about
it: As your children get older and require less one-on-one parental
supervision, it’s tempting to bypass the hassle of arranging for a sitter, not
to mention paying for the service. Keep in mind, though, that this decision should
not be based on a "best case" scenario, but rather, it should be made based
on your child’s ability to handle an unforeseen emergency in your absence. Is
he old enough? The first thing to consider as you determine if your
child is ready to be home alone is your child’s age. There are laws that dictate
how old a child must be before spending time alone without an adult. Check the
laws in your area. Typically, a child should be aged twelve or older before you
consider leaving him alone, even if the law permits a child of a younger age to
go unchaperoned. Is he responsible enough? The second
thing to consider prior to allowing a child to be home alone is the child’s level
of responsibility. Take a look at how the child handles homework, chores, and
personal responsibilities. Does the child display trustworthiness and the ability
to self-manage? Is your child emotionally mature and capable of good judgment?
Some children show these traits as young as age ten, others, not until thirteen,
fourteen, or older. In addition to considering these issues, check with your child
to make certain she feels ready to stay home alone. Sometimes children
are responsible and capable, but have fears about being alone in the house. These
fears should be respected. Do they get along? The
third consideration, if you have more than one child, is whether the children
have a usually peaceful relationship. Of course, all siblings bicker from time
to time, but if the children fight constantly, physically or intensely, it is
unwise to leave them alone. Is it safe? The fourth
area of consideration is the safety of your home and neighborhood. Do you have
a burglar alarm system that can be set? Are there neighbors living close by that
you know and trust? Are you next door to a high school, video arcade, or a tavern
that attracts unsavory characters? Be honest with yourself. Don’t overlook a bad
situation because you feel leaving your children home alone is your only choice.
If something bad happed to your children, you would realize that there were, indeed,
other options. Start with training: Once you have decided
that the situation is right for your child to be home alone, begin with short
periods of time. Make certain you or another trusted adult who is close by, is
available by phone. Gradually increase the amount of time as you and your child
become comfortable with the arrangement. Important note:
Check for laws in your area that govern unsupervised children. You don’t want
to put your family in an unlawful position. Question: Okay,
I went through your checklist and I think my children are ready to be home
alone for short periods of time. I’m wondering how to make this a successful endeavor. Think
about it: Letting children stay home alone is a big step for everyone
in your family. It gives your children a new level of responsibility and it gives
the parent a new found, long-awaited, much deserved, eagerly anticipated, exuberant
feeling of freedom. (Oh, did I get carried away there?) I know it sounds liberating,
but don’t rush into this big change. Take your time to plan and prepare for success. Start
with rules: With your children’s help, create a list of rules that
will apply when they’re home alone. Include specific "do’s" such as homework,
chores, etc, and "don’ts" such as answer the door, use the stove, or tie up younger
siblings. Include a list of acceptable activities, specify the amount of TV they
can watch, and what foods they can eat. The more you think ahead and cover possible
issues up front, the less likely you’ll have to deal with a problem later on.
Emergency
training: Provide your children with emergency training. Many hospitals,
YMCAs or schools offer classes for children who want to baby-sit. These are a
good option, as they typically cover all standard emergency procedures. Have all
your children take the training, not just the oldest one. Make certain there
is a list of important telephone numbers near the phone in an easy-to-find location
(not buried under a pile of old mail). Write the main emergency number on the
telephone itself. (I’ve heard of adults who forget the sequence of 9-1-1
when faced with an emergency situation.) If your city does not have a 9-1-1 system
that provides your address upon calling, make sure your address and driving directions
to your home are also written on the emergency pad. Provide your children with
the telephone number of an adult you know and trust who is close by, particularly
if you’re quite a distance away from home. Plan ahead:
Discuss or role-play various situations that my come up. Ask "What would you
do if?" questions to be certain your children are prepared. A few examples of
those situations you would want to review would be: 1. What if you lose your house
key? 2. What if someone comes to the door? 3. What if you’re hungry? 4. What if
you need help on your homework? 5. What if Dad’s not home exactly at 5:00? 6.
How will you answer the phone? 7. When would it be okay to call me at work? Who’s
in charge? If you have more than one child, decide in advance if one
of them is "in charge" or if they hold equal responsibility. Clearly identify
the rules that will apply. Decide how arguments will be resolved in your absence.
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