|  By Elizabeth Pantley,
Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation
In my grandma's
day, it was understood that children had certain responsibilities as members of
the family. They "earned" their privileges by fulfilling their responsibilities
first. The idea behind this rule is that you acknowledge something the child would
like to do as the second step in a process. You define the first step as a chore,
action or activity that must be done before the privilege is granted. The
benefits to this approach are threefold. First, your request is very specific,
and thus can be understood by your child. Second, you are acknowledging your child's
wants and needs at the same time that you are stating you wants and needs. Third,
you are approaching the issue in a way the invites your child to cooperate. Here's
how it works: You may ________ after you __________. You may
play outside after you do the dishes. You may watch a movie
after you do your homework. We will read a story after you
put your pajamas on. As soon as you scoop the cat litter
you can play your new computer game. An added benefit to using Grandma's
Rule is that it eliminates the need to use "fighting words." Fighting words are
those that start a battle even before the rest of the sentence is heard-words
such as, You can't, Don't, No, and Stop! Notice how the choice of
words affects the feeling conveyed by these requests:
You can't go outside
until you finish your homework. Yes, you can go outside just as soon as you
finish your homework. Don't eat that cookie until after your dinner.
Yes, you can have a cookie right after dinner. No, you can't go to Jimmy's
house. You can go to Jimmy's house on Saturday, after soccer practice. As
you can see, Grandma's rule allows you to use positive communication while being
very specific about what you want. And the best thing is-it works! | 
