|  By
Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation
Would you like to get your kids to willingly cooperate? Stop the
daily battles? Teach your kids valuable life skills? If your answer is Yes! Yes!
Yes! then read on . . . There are so many things
we must get our children to do and so many things me must stop them from doing!
Get up. Get dressed. Don't dawdle. Do your homework. Eat. It goes on and on. We
can get our kids to cooperate and at the same time allow them to learn self discipline
and develop good decision making skills. How? By offering choices. Giving
a choice is a very powerful tool that can be used with toddlers through teenagers.
This is one skill that every parent should have tattooed on the back of his or
her hand as a constant reminder. Parents should use this skill every day, many
times a day. Giving children choices is a very effective way to enlist their cooperation
because children love having the privilege of choice. It takes the pressure out
of your request, and allows a child to feel in control. This makes a child more
willing to comply. Using choice is an effective way
to achieve results, and when you get in the habit of offering choices you are
doing your children a big favor. As children learn to make simple choices-Milk
or juice?-they get the practice required to make bigger choices-Buy two
class T-shirts or one sweatshirt?-which gives them the ability as they grow
to make more important decisions-Save or spend? Drink beer or soda? Study or
fail? Giving children choices allows them to learn to listen to their inner
voice. It is a valuable skill that they will carry with them to adulthood. You
should offer choices based on your child's age and your intent. A toddler can
handle two choices, a grade-school child three or four. A teenager can be given
general guidelines. Offer choices such that you would be happy with whatever option
your child chooses. Otherwise, you're not being fair. For example, a parent might
say, "Either eat your peas or go to your room" but when the child gets
up off his chair, the parent yells, "Sit down and eat your dinner, young man!"
(So that wasn't really a choice, was it?) Here
are some ways in which you can use choice:
-
Do you want to wear your Big Bird pajamas or your Mickey Mouse pajamas? -
What pair of shorts would you like to wear today? -
Do
you want to do your homework at the kitchen table or the desk? -
Would
you rather stop at the gas station or give me the money to fill the tank? -
Do you want to wear your coat, carry it, or put on a sweatshirt? -
Would
you prefer to let the dog out in the yard or take him for a walk? -
Do
you want to run up to bed or hop like a bunny? -
What do you want to do first, take out the trash or dry the dishes? -
Do
you want to watch five more minutes of TV or ten? -
Will
you do your homework now, after dinner, or shall I wake you at six tomorrow If
your child is reluctant to choose from the options that you offer, then simply
ask, "Would you like to choose or shall I choose for you?" | 
