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Meet
your Match! CLICK HERE to go to Single Parents World Personals
| Dating as a Single
Parent By: Dr. Lois V. Nightingale |  |
What
are the qualities that a single parent should look for in someone they are deciding
to date?
-
Playful, light and fun
with kids. (Kids have an innate instinct about people. Watch how your child interacts
with him/her.) -
Doesn't try to make the kids like activities
they "should" like. Will accept a child's declining to participate in an activity
that he/she likes. Open to learning about your child's activities and interests.
-
Doesn't try to discipline kids. Setting rules, boundaries and
giving consequences needs to be done by the biological parent. -
Not jealous if
you need to put the children first or when they need your attention. Childhood
goes by very quickly. Give you children the attention they need. Help with homework,
the chance to talk about their day, etc. -
Willing to be
introduced into the lives of the kids slow - Will
accept your boundaries about how much affection you are comfortable with expressing
in front of your kids, and at what pace. Progress slowly in the relationship,
at least in front of your children.
-
Speaks
to children respectfully but not patronizingly. Speaks to them in age-appropriate
ways about topics of interest to kids not just to him/her. Never uses degrading
or belittling language. Never calls anyone derogatory names. -
Doesn't
want to exclusively do activities with children or only activities in which kids
are excluded. A healthy relationship has a mix of adult-only and child-included
activities. -
Doesn't scold, lecture or "should"
you about how you interact with the children's other parent. - Is
patient when children express jealous and interfering behaviors.
- Sees
you as a competent adult and a devoted parent.
-
Understands
all kids are different. Doesn't compare your kids with his/her kids (or kids seen
on TV!) - Able to be flexible with the unexpected and roll with the
unplanned events that always seem to arise in a household with children.
-
Understands
that kids do grow up and that life-partners are together long after the kids have
left home. -
Willing to model respect
and adoration for you in front of your children. It is good for kids to see their
parent treated well by another adult. -
Able
to have open and non-defensive conversations about how you feel and what you want
about your relationship and your children. -
Willing
to participate in family established rituals such as birthdays, holidays, etc.
-
Does not use alcohol to excess or drugs.
-
Able to apologize and model asking for forgiveness
when he/she makes a mistake. Able to easily and quickly forgive when asked for
forgiveness.
© 1998 Dr. Lois V. Nightingale,
Clinical Psychologist and director of the Nightingale Counseling Center in Yorba
Linda, Ca. Author of My Parents Still Love Me Even Though They're Getting Divorced.
714-993-5343 http://www.nightingalerose.com
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