The February edition of the newsletter is always a time where I pause to reflect - it was a February that I first started writing the newsletter. This marks the Fourth February, and hence the fourth year of getting out the monthly newsletter!

February remains a hard month for many single parents as it is a time where love and commitment are celebrated everywhere that you look. Don't sit home feeling alone, instead chose this time to celebrate the love between you and your children. You might be single, but you're never alone and unloved!

This month we bring you an article that's both interesting and humourous about the woes of Valentine's Day for the single parson. Also included is an article o­n Top 10 Deadly Thoughts of Be-Frazzled, Frustrated, Exhausted Mothers - a must read for Mom's and Dad's alike!

Click below to read the newsletter...

Please Mr Postman! A Humorous Look at Valentine's Day

By Jan Andersen [3]
Mothers Over 40 [4]

What is it about St Valentine's Day that makes lovers want to throw secrecy and discretion to the wind and declare to the world, via the national press or even worse, the internet, that "Scrumptious Wumptious Pudding Pie adores Squidgy Widgy Bum? I mean, if you really care for someone, you shouldn't have to wait until 14 February each year to convey your feelings, either in this bizarre manner, or by rushing out and buying a padded heart cushion in sugar-pink polyester, with lace trim and "I Luv U" printed o­n the front, should you?

Nevertheless, despite the cringe factor of many of these declarations of undying love and unrestrained passion, they are a sign that these people are happily attached, or at least in lust.

I have always considered Valentine's Day to be o­ne of the most emotionally painful days in the year for those who are not romantically involved in o­ne way or another. It is like pouring acid o­nto a raw wound. Ouch! It feels as though you are under a spotlight, with the rest of the world scoffing at you and saying, ""Nah-na-na-nah-nah! We're having sex and you're not. We might be terminally obnoxious, but at least somebody loves us. Tra-la-la!"

Mind you, there will always be some allegedly "single and loving it" people out there who may regard people such as myself as needy and insecure and who reach for the bucket when they read other lovey-dovey couples' public, smoochy woochy messages.

When I was a single parent, I assumed that the o­nly time I would receive a Valentine's Card would be if I sent o­ne to myself. It used to be the o­ne morning in the year when I was begging the postman to deliver bills or junk mail, just so that he would be seen delivering something (anything - please!) to my door, should any of the neighbours be peeking from behind their drapes at the time. For the postman to bypass my house o­n Valentine's Day was o­ne of the most shameful experiences ever.

When I was unhappily married, I do confess to having sent a card to myself o­ne year, in a sad and vain attempt to arouse a spark of jealousy in my indifferent, asexual ex-husband. Naturally, it didn't achieve the desired response. In fact, judging by his lopsided sneer, I think he was secretly pleased, because if it meant that I was having an affair, that would leave him free to continue selfishly servicing his own needs; such as sitting glued to the TV and not having to engage in superficial conversation.

However, being a caring, sharing kind of woman, I always presented my ex-husband with a classy Valentine's gift, such as a supermarket's own brand 2" circumference ceramic pig, clutching a gold-wrapped sweetie, which tasted like cooking chocolate. More than generous, I thought, particularly since I was forced to produce a receipt for everything that I bought, so that my magnanimous ex could tally his outgoings at the end of each week. In other words, what was mine was his and what was his was his.

The evenings were the worst part of the day. Not o­nly had the second postal delivery been and gone, together with my final chances of receiving a declaration of everlasting love, but also I knew that all the still-in-love, attached couples in the world would be planning their candlelit dinner à deux at some fancy French restaurant. Naturally, this wouldn't be just any romantic meal, but o­ne during the course of which an engagement or eternity ring would be presented, together with a pair of flight tickets to an impossibly romantic European city.

All this after a day of running around meadows in slow motion, dressed in flimsy, transparent outfits, or floating down a sunlit river in a rowing boat, whilst sipping champagne. Yes, yes, I know that this is England and the temperature is inevitably sub-zero, meaning o­nly an idiot would venture out wearing anything less than thermals and a 50 tog jacket in case their extremities dropped off (what a shame), but when you are unattached, rationality doesn't enter the equation.

The other depressing factor, when I was still legally attached to my abovementioned ex, was that it meant that I was unlikely to receive any cards from secret admirers, o­n the assumption that because I was married, I was definitely a no-go area. In reality, I was, for all intents and purposes, young, free and very much single. I wanted to run around town with a large sign attached to me saying, "I'm available. The ring o­n the third finger of my left hand is just pretend. This is just a practice relationship"

Of course, o­n the years when the postman delivered zilch, I consoled myself by thinking that the o­nly reason I hadn't received any cards was because my secret admirer(s) didn't know my address. Well, you have to have a positive outlook don't you?

Tradition states that you are not supposed to reveal your identity o­n any Valentine's card that you send. Huh! Forget that! If I have spent a small fortune o­n an overpriced bit of card with a sloppy rhyme o­n it, I want the object of my desire to know how much I value them. Besides, what is the point of keeping your true identity a secret and denying yourself the opportunity of a potentially satisfying liaison with the person of your dreams?

I have received several anonymous cards in the past and, to this day, I do not know whom most of them were from. I found this intensely frustrating at the time, particularly when I was single, available and pining for love and romance. What a missed opportunity o­n the part of my clandestine admirer; passing up the chance of a romantic encounter with this witty, charming and intelligent blonde who has a chest that could double as ear muffs!

I am happy to say that since finding my knight in shining armour, I no longer view Valentine's Day with dread. I know that I am guaranteed a cute card with a Forever Friends' bear o­n the front, a bunch of flowers that last at least a week and a box of deliciously, mood-enhancing chocolates, that last a mere five minutes.

I can proudly walk down the street with a genuine smile o­n my face, not o­ne of those forced, coathanger grins that I used to sport many years ago, to convey the impression that the postman had suffered back strain delivering the sack of Valentine's cards to my door.

However, irrespective of how much my partner and I love each other, there's no way that we would admit to anyone that Spongy Belly loves Sweet Cheeks…

Top 10 Deadly Thoughts of Be-Frazzled, Frustrated, Exhausted Mothers

Being a mother has been touted the “hardest job in the world”, and for good reason. The pay stinks (low or non-existent), the hours are long (your are always o­n call), and there is very little “Thanks” for a job well done. Sometimes the self-imposed SHOULDs or “Deadly Thoughts” held by mothers can make their already difficult job nearly impossible. This year Mom, give your self a Mother’s Day treat by lightening up o­n yourself. Enjoy!

DEADLY THOUGHT #1: I have to be a “perfect” mother.REMEDY #1: Recognize there is no such thing as a “perfect” mother. Give yourself permission to be human and make mistakes. Even well educated professionals with advanced degrees such as doctor’s and lawyers refer to their work as “practicing medicine” or “practicing law”. Give yourself permission to be a “practicing mother”.

DEADLY THOUGHT #2: I have to put everybody else’s needs before my own.REMEDY #2: Your needs are just as important as the rest of the members of the family. Allow yourself a little treat as least o­nce a week. Treat yourself to a pedicure. Set aside 20 minutes for a bubble bath and place a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign o­n the bathroom door.

DEADLY THOUGHT #3: I have to do all of the work.REMEDY #3: Do not be afraid to enlist the help of other family members, including your children, to tackle the household chores. You are actually doing your children a favor by allowing them an opportunity to learn life skills that will enable them to feel competent and self-assured as an adult.

DEADLY THOUGHT #4: I am an inferior Mom, if I cannot afford to buy my child the latest design jeans or the newest toy o­n the market.REMEDY #4: Live within your budget. Credit card debt can be a significant stressor. By living within your means, you will be teaching your child by example, how to be financially responsible. You won’t need to take o­n that second job to pay off the credit card and you’ll be much more pleasant and happy mother.

DEADLY THOUGHT #5: My house needs to be spotless and ready for company at all times.REMEDY #5: Get over the fact that your house will probably never be o­n the cover of Better Homes and Gardens. What is more important? Having quality time to spend with your kids or being o­n the cover of some silly old magazine.

DEADLY THOUGHT #6: I need to say, “YES” to any outside request regarding my child.REMEDY #6: Learn to say “NO” to the barrage of requests that come your way. It’s OK to say “NO” to such requests as baking cookies for your child’s homeroom, carpooling the kids to softball practice, or being a Girl Scout Leader. o­nly say “YES” o­nly to those activities that you would consider fun or relaxing that fit into your schedule.

DEADLY THOUGHT #7: I have to look like I came off the cover of Glamour magazine.REMEDY #7: Recognize that you have given birth and that you may no longer have the slim, trim tummy that you had before getting pregnant. It’s OK to pull your hair back in a ponytail or wear a hat, if you’re having a “bad hair” day.

DEADLY THOUGHT #8: I have to be the type of mother portrayed o­n TV, magazines, and those mushy books dedicated to “dear ole Mom”.REMEDY #8: You’ve already heard, “only in the movies” before. Don't compare yourself to the TV Moms. They are a figment of someone’s imagination.

DEADLY THOUGHT #9: I have to cook homemade meals, birthday cakes, etc.REMEDY #9: Be thankful for Sara Lee, the local bakery, and the deli counter in the grocery store along with all of the options for fast food. Cut corners wherever you can, so that you have more time to spend with your kids.

DEADLY THOUGHT #10: Everybody must think I’m a good mother.REMEDY #10: Let’s face it. Everybody is a critic. Don't let those critical comments made by your in-laws, neighbors, and other busybodies, erode your confidence in your ability as a mother. Remember you are a “practicing mother”. Some days you’ll do better than others. Be kind to yourself and accept your humanity and shortcomings. You are much more likely to the type of mother your want to be, if you lighten up o­n yourself. DON'T BE YOUR OWN WORST CRITIC!

May you always experience love and joy,

Linda Lovejoy [7], MA, LMHC
Life and Relationship Coach
Lovejoy Coaching [8]