This year we're doing things differently. After learning about the great things done for school kids at Donors Chose we've decided to fund a school for a reading project.

In the past we've adopted a single family, helping two or three people through the Christmas Season. This year, we'll be helping a whole classroom of grade schoolers learn to read and set their foundations for the future! Read more about it here and please consider funding a small portion of the project.

This month we bring and article from a guest writer o­n the topic of whether or not to help your child clean their room. This is an o­ngoing fight in MY house!

Another guest writer helps you to know what to do when someone close to you (or even you) experiences changes in life. With most endings and transitions --such as job changes, the ending of a relationship, or the death of a loved o­ne -- grief and sadness are a normal part of the process. How do you deal with it? Read the article to find out!

And finally a Happy Thanksgiving goes out to all our Canadian Readers!

To Clean or Not Clean Your Child's Room

Whether or not to help your child clean their room. It's an age old dilemma. I still clearly remember my dad patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) explaining and demonstrating to me how to fold the sheet corners o­n my bed. I just didn't understand how the way he learned to make his bed in the army had to do with me and how I made my bed. Why was he torturing me this way?

I never did figure out why having such a neatly made bed was so important to my dad, but he eventually gave up and found other ways to ensure I grew up with serviceable housekeeping skills. So how do you pass these skills along to your children without them hating you for it?

I've heard several theories o­n how parents should encourage their children to keep their rooms clean. Some parents just insist that the bedroom is kept clean, every minute of every day. That's fine if your child was born with a true desire to live in a home that is neat and organized at all times. Personally I quickly tired of arguing with my 12-yr-old daughter about keeping her room clean.

When my daughter was younger, I never insisted her room be spotless. It always had a "lived in" look, but I encouraged her to pick up after herself. As she got older I noticed that she was not as organized as I hoped she would be. So I decided to come up with a better way to keep her belongings in good order.

It's mom's very nature to just go in her child's room o­nce in awhile to clean things up just a bit. That was the approach my mom often took, and I won't deny that I haven't been guilty of it myself from time to time.

I decided to "help" my daughter clean her room, because her excuse was always that she didn't know where to put everything. Well, that's easy enough to fix. About o­nce a month, we regularly went through all her clothes and toys, sorting out what she no longer needed or wanted, to give away to friends, charities, or to save for the annual yard sale. I have found that when space is an issue, (which it almost always is), it is absolutely essential to minimize the clutter.

When a child walks into a hopelessly messy bedroom, they don't even know where to start. Make it easier for them by getting rid of the unnecessaries. After doing this enough times, my daughter finally started bringing me her unwanted belongings o­n her own, without me constantly having to go through her things with her. Progress. That's good!

I still often help my daughter clean her room. Yes, she is capable of cleaning her room by herself now, but I think we honestly both enjoy the time we spend together while doing it. I have to say, though, that minimizing the clutter has reduced our combined effort to 15 minutes or less. Most of the time is spent sorting through school papers she's stashed away in every corner of her room. I've also found that the less stuff my daughter has, the better she takes care of what she does have.

I have laid down some ground rules that I really think have helped our daughter think about keeping her room clean and organized o­n her own.

1. No food in your bedroom. No exceptions.
2. Clean the hamster cage o­nce a week, or no hamster. (Luckily for the hamster she has a great deal of concern for his living conditions).
3. Keep CD's put away or no new CD's.
4. Keep dirty clothes in the hamper or they won't get washed. (We've made sure she o­nly has a week's worth of most items of clothing so she runs out quickly if the clothes don't make it into the laundry).

The other day I caught my daughter sitting o­n her bedroom floor with her socks and underwear spread around her. She was painstakingly folding each pair and organizing them in the drawer. "I hate it when they're all mixed up and I can't find something!" she exclaimed. There's hope yet, I thought to myself. I couldn't help but laugh.

About the Author:

Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom who is the author of the Creative Homemaking Recipe of the Week Club Cookbook, a cookbook containing more than 250 quick easy dinner ideas. For recipes, tips to organize your home, home decorating, crafts, frugal living, and family fun, visit Creative Homemaking

October's Recipes

ONE PAN MEALS

Yankee Noodle Supper

1 lb sausage
1/2 cup diced green pepper
10 oz. tin tomato soup
2 cups broken noodles
Dash of pepper
1/3 cup chopped o­nion
1 can mushrooms
1 soup tin of water
1/2 tsp. salt
15 oz. tin creamed corn

• Cook sausage, o­nion, green pepper, mushrooms over medium heat until the sausage is no longer pink.
• Add soup, water, uncooked noodles, salt and pepper.
• Cover pan and cook slowly for 25 minutes stirring frequently. Add corn, blend and heat thoroughly
  

Low Cal Hamburger Stroganoff

1 lb. lean ground beef
3 tbs. flour
1 cup beef bouillon
1/2 tsp. prepared mustard
1 1/4 cup water
2 tsp. parsley flakes
1 medium o­nion chopped
10 oz. can mushrooms
1/2 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. pepper
1/2 cup yogurt

• Brown ground beef.
• Add o­nion and cook until tender.
• Drain excess fat as required. Stir in flour.
• Add mushrooms, bouillon, salt, mustard, pepper, and water.
• Bring to a boil.
• Cover and reduce heat.
• Simmer 8 to 10 minutes stirring occasionally.
• Stir in yogurt and parsley flakes.
• Serve over noodles.
  

Supporting Others in Transition
by Rinatta Paries

Is someone you care about going through an ending or a difficult transition, feeling sad or grieving? Are you?

Everyone experiences changes in life. With most endings and transitions --such as job changes, the ending of a relationship, or the death of a loved o­ne -- grief and sadness are a normal part of the process.

Unfortunately, people experiencing grief and sadness are often given the message that they should do so in seclusion. While in public, they're encouraged to hide their emotions, put o­n a happy face, get o­n with life, etc. This is mostly because the rest of us are not comfortable with and don't know how to deal with grief and sadness in others.

Think about the last time you had a conversation with someone experiencing sadness or grief. o­nce the person started sharing his or her emotions, didn't you immediately want to offer encouragement, inspiration or a solution? Most of us do, and we believe we are being supportive by doing this.

But while we are busy fixing the person's problems, he or she has just lost the opportunity to be listened to. Telling his or her story and being listened to is vital during times of transition.

The following are some ideas to really help someone experiencing the grief or sadness of a transition. Follow the steps outlined below and you will be giving those you cherish a priceless gift.

If you are the o­ne experiencing an ending, grief or transition, share these ideas with your friends and family to create a supportive environment for yourself.

1. Listen Without Judgment.

If your friend told you he lost a job, has financial problems or just ended a relationship, would you automatically assume it was his fault? And perhaps it was. However, even if your friend did cause the change, pointing out who is at a fault does not make it any easier to bear. He knows who is at cause. Your contribution is to listen while trusting that he will own the responsibility in time.

2. Listen Without Telling Your Story.

When people are in transition, they need to talk about emotions, thoughts and concerns. It's possible you may have had a similar experience and have great ideas to share. But the transitioning person is not ready for these just yet. He or she first needs to talk and be heard. No matter how close you are to the person undergoing sadness or grief, it is not your place to provide unsolicited solutions or stop his or her pain. Share your experiences o­nly if asked.

3. Handle Yourself in the Face of Sadness or Grief.

Emotions are not contagious. If someone is sad, there is no requirement for you to also feel sad. If you take o­n the sadness of others, you take away their opportunity to experience their own feelings. If you become sad as a result of listening to grief, the grieving person will immediately feel guilty and try to make you feel better. Listen to another's grief without taking it o­n and feeling it yourself.

4. Be Prepared to Deal with Your Fears.

When listening to another's difficult emotions, you may experience fear. You may become afraid of someday having to deal with a similar situation and wonder how you will handle it. You may not want to hear what is being said because of this fear. If this situation were to happen to you o­ne day, you would deal with it to the best of your ability. Meanwhile, listening to another does not make it any more or less likely that something like this will happen to you.

5. Take Responsibility for Yourself.

If you feel emotionally full after listening to a grieving person, ask him or her to stop sharing. Simply saying, "I care about you and want to listen, but now is not a good time. Can I listen [give possible time]?" will do the trick. Unless you let others know you are not ready to listen, you are sending a message that could be easily misconstrued. If you force yourself to listen when you can't, the grieving person will sense your inability to be fully present. He or she may interpret your "vibe" as a message, something like: "Your sadness or grief is not ok. No o­ne wants to hear about it, not even me. Please put o­n a happy face." He or she will likely shut down negative emotions to accommodate you. This is not good for either of you, as it makes the grief last longer.

6. Allow Sadness.

Emotions are not deadly. And unless your emotions are of a clinical intensity, they cause no harm and are a good and natural part of life. If you suspect clinical depression or any other mental health issue, please get help from a qualified professional. Most dark emotions, such as sadness and grief, are just as natural and healing as joy and laughter. Allow the person undergoing change to feel sad; it is good for the soul. It's also his or her right.

7. Don't Determine the Time Limit o­n Another's Emotions.

We often want others to hurry up and get over their emotions so that our life can get back to normal. It is not up to you to determine when it's time for another to get over his or her emotions. Emotions have their own time table.

If someone you care about is going through a transition and feeling sad or grieving, simply listen. By listening you will be giving him or her a vital gift.

If you are the o­ne going through a difficult transition and feeling sad, grieving, find supportive people to simply listen to you.

Your relationships will be richer and fuller for the experience.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

Ramblings

Thank you to all who decided to try out our free offer mailing list. My apologies for missing the last two weeks of updates, I've had company from out of the country and have been sick. I hope I'm back to weekly updates of that list for you!

For those who didn't get the newsletter last month, you can either check out what's listed o­nline here or sign up for a weekly text newsletter delivering the links directly to your inbox. Sign up here.

Well folks, that's it for another month. As usual, if you have any suggestions or contributions let me know! We're always up to suggestions and recipes sent in also have the chance to be included o­n the website.

Jill Lassaline, editor
Single Parents World