I was just before the o­ne year anniversary of my husbands death and was told at Hospice that the second year after a loss is often worse than the first. Oh goody.

As parents, I suppose it makes sense. Let's think about it. Our partner died. We arranged a funeral, settled estates, figured out how to continue running the house, worried about our children grieving, worried about the "firsts" of Christmas and birthdays without them. The first year is not o­nly busy worrying about other things and other people but it's a time of still letting it sink in...they're REALLY gone.

Bring o­n year two. You're still working to ensure the children are all right but the other things have settled down some. Now it's time for it to really sink in -- for YOU to deal with it. This will be my second Christmas without them, my second Mother's/Father's Day without them, and so o­n.

On top of it all you're bound to meet at least o­ne person who says "you're not over that yet? They died a YEAR ago!" People don't understand that grief does not follow a time limit. A grieving period does not mean that you come out of it "ok and ready to carry o­n". Grief will, in some form, follow you forever.

Understand though, the grief you're feeling as a newly widowed person will not, in most cases, be the same grief you feel as a 10 year widowed person. Usually you'll be going along fine by then, dealing with day to day things pretty much normally. Suddenly it will happen. Your son got o­n the Football team, your daughter's first dance recital, your child's graduation, wedding or other big event. The grief you thought was long gone will creep up o­n you in some form. The good news is, you will get through it, be sad, miss them dearly, cry, and continue o­n again.