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The minute that I came in from the mailbox with the big brown package, my kids
were too excited to speak. This excitement continued after I opened the package
and pulled out the book. My children are already book lovers, but this one was
something different--something special. This magical blue book contained not only
familiar and favourite characters that they could colour and enjoy, but it also
contained topics that were both familiar and somewhat frightening. I am a divorced
mom with three children (aged 9, 7, and 4) who believes in honesty and openness,
but there are some topics that I don't know how to get started on.
Sound
familiar? Then perhaps this is the book for you to. "My Parents Love Me
Even Though They're Getting Divorced" is a book unlike anything that you will
ever read. It is designed to be read with your child. You will find that
not only will your children learn from it, but so will you. The book starts
where happily-ever-after left off. There is a beautiful mermaid and a noble
knight who fell in love and got married. This fairy tale couple is blessed with
three children and all is well in make-believe land. As fairy tales turn
into reality, the couple begin to fight more and more often and end up separated.
The story then continues on a path much like many of the divorces today, and the
children are asked how they feel and to relate their similar experiences on every
page. There are far too many good points that are brought up to mention
them all here, but the following are a sample of a few of them:
- Why do you think people get married?
- What did you do when you heard
your parents fighting?
- Did anyone ever have to come and help them stop
fighting (police, neighbours, relatives)?
- Do you have a special place
you like to go to think?
- Who told you your parents were getting divorced?
- Have
either of your parents told you bad things about the other one?
- What did
you say or do?
- Did you have to move? How do you feel about that?
- Have
you seen your parents cry? How do you feel when they cry?
- What rules are
different at each of your parents' homes?
- How do your parents spend money
differently now that they are divorced? How do you feel about that?
- Did
the judge make any special rules that your parents are supposed to follow? (Such
as, no drinking or using drugs around the children, no spanking, or to stay a
certain distance from the other parents' hours, or to have someone else with them
when they visit you, or to not say bad things about the other parent in front
of you? Are there special rules about allowing each parent to have time with you,
or about what time each parent is supposed to pick you up and bring you back?)
- What
would you do if your parents disobeyed the judge's rule?
And
as I said, the list continues. As you can see by the above questions, every topic
is brought up in a non-threatening way to the children. This book is well
worth the effort to go out and find it. Your children will learn that it is O.K.
to be scared and it is even better to discuss these feelings -- everyone gets
scared, even moms and dads. I have found that my kids now have a way of bringing
up questions that are troubling them. We have had dinner conversations that begin
with, "Remember in that book where..." Dr. Lois Nightingale has done a
great service to millions of children and their parents. If you never buy an other
book to aid your family through your divorce, make sure you at least buy this
one. Thanks Lois, we all owe you one! |