There are five general stages of grief. Don't be mislead by the word 'grief' - anyone can go through it, it does not just have to involve a death. Grief is felt at a loss. This loss could be the loss of a job, the loss of a home, the loss of a marriage.

A loss of a relationship is a huge loss. You've lost your hopes, your dreams, and your future. Everything you had planned for life now changes

As with any sort of loss you will go though many stages of grief when a relationship breaks up. Just keep in mind that you can go through any given stage more than once - back track, so to speak. There is no real set in stone order that grief will take you though. And yes, you can hit the final stage and suffer a set back during an emotional time in your life.

The first reaction to any loss is denial. You can't believe that it is happening. You believe that this is just temporary and everything will work out in the end. Maybe your partner is going through some stage, some 'mid life crisis' but they'll come back when they're done. It simply cannot be the end. Ok, sure, the signs have been there for a while now but you are able to get through them. Divorce isn't going to happen to you. No matter what people say, your mind does not accept what is happening.

Often in this stage you might walk around numb though your days. Shock is setting in and you are feeling nothing. It takes a while for this to register with you on an emotional level and people might be shocked by your ability to go through your day as if nothing happened - when in fact you are going through your day in a robotic state. Your daily functions are on auto pilot and you can complete most daily tasks, but not much more.

Also around this stage you might feel guilt. Guilt for what you did or didn't do that could have made things better. You yourself will magnify your human mistakes into the cause of all evil. Both parties, the person who left and the person who was left, will feel guilt at some point in time.

As reality sinks in, it brings anger with it. Any anger you've suppressed a the end of your marriage comes out now, and usually comes out with force. How dare they treat you this way?! How dare they lie to you like that?! How dare they suggest/want THAT for a settlement?! How dare they make a decision that changes my life so much, that kills my dreams!

Anger is and important stage to go through. Unexpressed anger and boil and fester inside you and can often lead to depression. Unexpressed anger can leave you bitter and unable to deal with your divorce. Anger can be expressed in a non-destructive way and dealt with. Properly expressing anger can be a sign that you are beginning to come to terms and deal with your loss.

When someone is on the verge of dying those who love them will bargain with greater powers. "I'll do whatever you want, if you only let them live". People bargain with their partner during a divorce. You will promise them whatever you think they might want to hear if only they'll come back. Many people find themselves willing to change who they are just so the other person won't leave.

This might work for some on the short term but think about it - could you live that way forever? Could you live the rest of your life under such a false state while the real issues go unresolved? Very few can, or even want to do this when they really think about it. You still have a marriage with one unhappy person, but now that person is you.

Remember though that bargaining is a healthy part of grief and bargaining is normal. It shows that you've gotten beyond the denial stage and know that this is really happening.

When you realize that bargaining is not working or not what you want you learn to let go. You accept that the person is gone and you will never have the relationship you once did ever again. This is not easy and this might be the step where you find yourself back tracking to the other feelings.

It isn't easy to let go and admit it's done. You may feel depressed again. You may feel that all your work and hope was for nothing. You might find yourself worrying about your future and what it holds for you both in promise and in worth - what are you going to do? Who is ever going to love you again?

Many people get stuck here for a long time, giving up on going forward and living their lives. Other than the initial separation, this is the stage that can be most dangerous to anyone who's depressed or suicidal. It is important to remember that you will get through this stage just like you got through the others.

This is also a very important stage to go though. If you can't let go, you can't move on. You will be stuck in the anger and hurt forever and cut yourself off from the chance of a wonderful life ahead.

Acceptance is reached when you realize that it is indeed over and you need to get on with your life. Often at this time you can come to realize that things have happened for the best, your life has meaning, and you have a long and happy future ahead of you.

In this stage you can finally remember the good along with the bad. You've put the bad in the past, visiting it only when need be. You've accepted this person is gone and maybe that a part of you will always love and miss them, but you also accept that you have a life you need to continue with and move upward.

Life will have its little setbacks along this route, but each step forward, even if you have a momentary backward step, is a forward step in the right direction. Very few of us are heartless enough to walk away and feel nothing, most of us will look back and feel bad for many years even once we're over it

It is important to remember that everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. What worked for you will not necessarily work for anyone else. Don't let anyone put a time frame on your grief. It is not uncommon to hear "wow, you're still upset over that? My sister moved on after a month." Or, on the other end of the scale people might be shocked if you deal with it quickly thinking you didn't grieve long enough. Only you know what time you need to deal with what you're feeling and to heal. You have a right for that to take as long or as short as needed. If you find yourself stuck for a long time in depression do not be too ashamed to seek help. There is nothing wrong or weak about seeking medical help for depression - it could save your life.

Though out the whole process of surviving a break up do not underestimate the value of friends and human contact. Friends can be there to talk to and help overcome the pain of your loss. Someone to simply listen can be an invaluable asset at this point in time. Find someone you can just dump on to let your feelings - good and bad - out when needed. Many good friends are there 24 hours a day and don't mind being woken up or kept up to lend a shoulder. Also do not undervalue the therapeutic benefits of the internet. Finding a message board (like the one we have here) where you can post your feelings 24 hours a day can be a great release.